Posted on Monday, August 8, 2016 by Usha 2 minutes
In my previous blog post, we explored how to get your child to pay attention while learning. But what about kids who are asking for too much attention from you and that the child starts being “creative” to get that attention! Let’s look at 2 case studies.
Being an only child, Tom is used to getting everything under the sun through his parents or grandparents. When he does not, he will roll on the floor, start yelling and screaming till he gets what he wants. That way, Tom has learnt that if he yells and screams, his parents will have to oblige to him.
Lisa was an only child till she got a new sibling when she was 5 years old. Before her sibling arrived, she was the princess of the house. When the new child came, her world turned upside down as all attention was given to the new baby. Lisa then became withdrawn and started being rude towards family members and disturbing her baby brother when no one is watching.
Looking at the two case studies, we see that when too much or too little attention is given to a child, it influences the way they behave. Usually this would steer the child towards using inappropriate methods to be noticed and heard such as yelling, banging on tables and even bullying other children. Parents should therefore be mindful about the amount and the kind of attention that should be given to the child.
Keeping in mind, your child will tend to be mirror images of you. They tend to copy how we react to situations which determines their attitude towards you. How many times have you come across parents saying, “Oh she is such an angel when in school or outside the home, but at home she is a devil in disguise”. Maybe that is how we behave as well. Think about it?
Let’s look at some reforms we can adopt to encourage positive behaviour in your child.
When was the last time you praised your child for accomplishing a task, which can be as simple as throwing away a tissue after blowing his/her nose. Sometimes we tend to only praise for bigger tasks that are done and forget to acknowledge the smaller tasks. No need to give a reward for that, a smile or a nod will just do for positive reinforcement.
When you see your child doing something good on their own, be quick to acknowledge it. Catch them when they are not anticipating your attention. That way they know to always put on their best behaviour in case you are watching!
It is common that when a child is becoming difficult, the typical instant reaction from parents is to either yell or scold the child. But here, we must remember how the child mimics us. Therefore, take a deep breath, ignore the bad behaviour by not responding. Eventually the child will quieten down and at this point, we should step in and ask if he/she is ready to listen to you. Make sure you have their attention and redirect them to what is the expected behavior. Hopefully they comply!
What happens if the child is non-compliant? Dr Vijai Sharma, in his article, has given some strategies.
Choose a time when the child is relaxed and calm, ask the child to help you in small simple tasks such as fetching a glass of water or throw trash into the bin. Once the child performs the tasks, be sure to say “Thanks for helping!” or “That was nice!”. Create such opportunities for 4 to 5 times in a span of 10 minutes where the child is able to receive several positive feedback from you. Such repetition will likely increase the positive behaviour in other situations as well.
Whether an only child or one with siblings, rules are rules and they should consistently apply to all. Do not pamper the youngest lest older siblings will turn grouchy! And vice versa, do not favour the first born. As much as possible treat all kids the same and give them equal attention. Being an only child does not mean they deserve full attention (yes they will manipulate you for that!). Be consistent when you handle misbehaviour.
It is also important to take note that certain misbehaviours can be triggered by other factors that are beyond a child’s control. But that is a topic to be discussed another day. Keep a look out for that soon!
References:
Sharma, V. The Power of Positive attention.
http://www.mindpub.com/art328.htm
Hartwell-Walker, M. What to do about attention-seeking kids
http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-to-do-about-attention-seeking-kids/
Usha has been working with children with special needs for 9 years. She has great passion in integrating children with special needs into the community. In her free time, she likes to cycle along the coasts of Singapore exploring nature.
